UK train stations are a rich source of poorly-written and confusing signs. Take this label, spotted at Reading station.

‘Platform lighting controller’? That’ll be what the rest of us call a light switch.

I can’t think of a single situation where you’d ever describe this as a ‘platform lighting controller’, so why do so here? It just creates confusion.

I particularly like the helpful information beneath: ‘When the indictor [sic] is lit, platform lights are on.’ Spelling error aside, it’s worth knowing that I spotted this label while standing on the platform. So I expect it’s fairly obvious when the lights are on. It would be dark otherwise.

Complicated terminology makes things harder to understand. Unnecessary information detracts from the really important stuff. As labels go, this is a good example of how not to do it.

I was just flicking back through some old photos on my phone and noticed a couple of headlines I’ve snapped that are too good not to share. The first is from earlier this year, when anchorman Richard Keys left his job at Sky Sports. It’s short, to the point, and absolutely nails the story:

But it’s the second that I’m more impressed with. Cast your mind back to last autumn and one of the year’s rare good news stories.

Now, imagine you’re a sub-editor at The Sun. How are you going to lead on the story? Would it occur to you to take the name of a band, then carefully change a word here and there to result in a headline of wit and beauty?

No, me neither. You might sometimes question the quality of tabloid journalism, but you can’t deny the intelligence of their headlines.

(Read about some other great tabloid headlines that I’ve spotted.)

1. At least people will remember the name

I actually spotted this shop in Hong Kong’s Mong Kok area. With that name, I wonder if they’ve ever considered expanding into the UK.

2. Choiceness raw material

Mmmm, appetising.

3. Protect CircumStance

Spotted on the back of a bin in Shanghai. I guess the sentiment is right, even if the wording could be better. And CircumStance could be a strangely-capitalised web 2.0 brand.

4. …from the small start around

Is this the Chinese equivalent of ‘every little helps’? Actually, I think it’d be great if recycling bins over here were called reverse vending machines.

5. Step into my office

Of all the signs I saw, this was the one that made me laugh out loud. Spotted in a shop in Beijing’s super-cool 798 Space (well worth a visit, by the way). I wonder if the people in the office got more than they bargained for.

However, if you plan on downloading this free software, stay sharp when you’re on the Paint.NET website. Because the link to download isn’t quite as obvious as it seems:

That big ‘DOWNLOAD’ button with the huge green arrow that drags your eyes in and won’t let go? That’s not it.

It is, in fact, an advert. It takes you to www.searchale.com, a site offering ‘the ultimate search tool’ – as far as I can tell, a toolbar you can download and use in your web browser.

I can’t find much other information about the company, apart from this complaint from someone who had the ad appear unexpectedly on their own website. So my advice would be to steer clear.

Oh, the actual download link? It’s up the top there, just beneath the logo:

It’s not hard to see how SearchAle benefits from this advertising. I’m sure there are more people using its toolbar then there would have been otherwise.

I just wonder how many of those people actually wanted it, or even understood what they were downloading.

1. No strinding

Spotted at Chengdu Panda Base. Please, please drop me a line if you know what this means.

2. Don’t visit the head

If you happen to visit the Great Wall at Mutianyu, make sure you don’t lose your head. Or something.

3. LOOKOUTKNOCKHEAD

There must be a lot of concern for people’s heads. Spotted at the Summer Palace.

4. Avoid this restaurant

I think I had a curry with similar after-effects once.

5. The grass is smiling

The Olympic Park in Beijing has various friendly signs encouraging you not to do things.

Don’t forget to check back soon for part two…

There truly are some shockers out there. And that’s probably why the good ones stick in your head.

I stumbled upon one just the other day. The sign up form for WordPress.com really is a thing of beauty. It’s clear, straightforward, and only asks you to type in four bits of information.

What’s more, it includes this delightfully playful text that sums up just what we all really think about agreeing to terms and conditions:

“Legal flotsam: I have read and agree to the fascinating terms of service”

I wonder how they got that one past the legal team. Nice work, WordPress.

These sites have drastically cut the cost of getting hold of images without worrying about copyright issues. I use them, so I should know. But there’s one big problem: when you pay so little, you don’t get any control over who else uses the photos.

Those images are sold again and again and again. Some of them are exceptionally popular – and that can spell embarrassment for your website.

I’ve trawled iStockPhoto – one of the biggest stock imagery sites – to bring you these five examples of stock photography that’s been rather, well, overexposed. If you’re looking for images to illustrate your website, steer well clear of these.

From web hosting to chief marketing officer

Plenty of websites seem to like the look of this lady. When she’s not urging you to “get more now” over at Midphase Hosting, she’s also putting in an appearance at Data102, a Colorado Springs hosting centre.

Then there’s marketing. She’s been standing in as a chief marketing officer for Brand Week – and been involved in this article about self branding. Busy lady.

A tired metaphor for growth

If you’re growing a business, here’s one visual metaphor you might want to steer clear of. It’s a very well-trodden path, you see. It might have been Clydesdale Ventures that first used this image. Or maybe it was Ian Brodie. Or Accelerate Media.

In hard copy, the books Recession Thriving and Trading Pain for Peace both have strikingly similar covers. Those green shoots of recovery are certainly spreading.

From pornography to the pharmacy

It’s amazing how many uses a single picture of a generic, photogenic family can be put to. Protecting families from pornography? Check. Life insurance? Check. Carpet cleaning in Naperville? Check.

Oh, and don’t forget to register for your free pharmacy card, will you? As for what this poster is advertising, I have absolutely no idea. It does use a tasteful monochrome version though.

Our call centre staff are all very attractive

Need to illustrate your company’s contact details? Look no further – this multi-skilled lady should be all you need.

She knows all about spectacles (top left corner of the page), going on a cruise, sorting out your computer’s performance, running an online backup service and, er, making a bit of cash as a phone sex operator (don’t worry, that last link isn’t dodgy). I’m no expert, but I’d have thought one of those occupations would be much more lucrative than the others.

Are you saving enough?

A piggy bank. What better way to illustrate a story about the credit crunch / recession / money / banking / savings (delete as appropriate)? If you use this particular image, you’re certainly in good company.

Once you’ve read Virgin Media’s guide to being frugal you can head on over and get a bargain weekend break. Back from your hols? Then you’ll be ready to start saving for the next one. Given the number of times it’s been used, the photographer behind this image probably isn’t short of a few quid.

Avoid the trap

Ok, so you’re using stock photography for one good reason: it’s cheap and it does the job. (That’s two reasons? Never mind.) There are three main ways to steer clear of overused images:

• Check the download stats. Most stock photography sites give you some idea of how many times each image has been downloaded. If an image has thousands of downloads, there’s a fair chance it’s been used thousands of times too.
• Do a quick search. There’s a totally amazing reverse image search tool called TinEye which helped me with this blog post. Give it an image and it’ll show you other websites using it. If there are lots of results, you might want to choose another picture.
• Stop being clichéd. The piggy bank. The lady wearing the headset. The growing plant. Images like these have been used to illustrate the same subjects many times before. So get creative and think up some less predictable ideas.

Finally, I’d always advocate that it’s worth spending money to get really top-notch text for your website. If so, you might want to look into paying a bit more for some unique, quality photographs too.

What do you think about cheap stock photography? Ever had any embarrassing moments using it? Leave a comment and let me know.

(All images bought from iStockPhoto. Naturally.)

In fact, their whole website is pretty decent, and they understand how to use Twitter too.

Anyway, towards the end of the evening I did the usual um-and-er over dessert thing, until spotting the cheesecake on the menu. Had it just been “chocolate cheesecake”, I might have declined. But “milky double bubble chocolate cheesecake”? How could I say no?

That’s the power of good copywriting.

We always used to put quite a lot of thought into what to give away. We wanted things that would be eyecatching and useful too. We didn’t really want our competition winners to go sticking what they’d won straight up on eBay.

That job would be much easier today. There’s only one prize that anyone who’s anyone is giving away at the moment: Apple’s iPad.

I’ve come to this conclusion after noticing a spate of tweets, adverts, emails and websites, all promoting competitions to win the giant iPhone. And it really is quite astounding how many websites are giving this gadget away.

Unbeatable, Bitter Wallet, Pocket Lint, UK2,  Review Centre, T3 and Travolution. All these are UK-based sites, giving away a gadget which isn’t even officially available in the UK yet. When you widen it to US sites, it just gets silly.

Try Dummies.com, Zagg, SEOMOZ, Mashable, Symantec, Digg, PCMag and authorStream for starters. So many companies are giving the things away that there must be a danger of a shortage for ordinary buyers.

This got me thinking. Could the number of competitions offering a given item as a prize be indicative of the appeal of that prize? And if so, could companies use this statistic as some form of market research?

(Image courtesy of Apple.)

I like it when restaurants take the time to get their branding right. It implies a similar amount of effort has gone in to the food.

I had a meal in a Reading eaterie a couple of weeks ago. The bill turned up with this witty “with condiments” card, which perfectly fit the modern, relaxed feel of the place, and made me chuckle.

As it turned out the food was excellent, but if it hadn’t been, at least the clever copywriting would’ve gone some way to making up for it.