John McGarvey – web copywriter

It’s not uncommon to visit a website and be impressed by what’s there. Encouraged, you buy from them.

It’s only when you need some assistance with your new purchase that you realise the online help is woefully inaccurate. Lacking in depth and quality, it feels like a last minute bolt on. And all-too-often, it is.

Whether you’re a professional writer or not, if you get given the job of producing online help articles, please think about your approach before you get stuck in. It can be hard to hit the spot, and as a reader, there’s little more frustrating than being stuck with a problem you can’t fix.

I spent much of the first half of this year writing help articles and tutorials. I reckon I got a reasonable feel for what works, and what doesn’t. So here are some tips to make help articles clear and understandable:

1. Use numbered lists, not bullets. When people follow your instructions, they’ll often be flicking between their web browser and other windows. It’s easy for people to remember that they were on step five, so put instructions in numbered lists.
2. Break complex processes right down. It’s better to have a longer list of simple steps than a short list of complex ones. A good rule of thumb is that people should be able to read each step, then follow it without having to refer back to the instructions half way through.
3. Use screenshots to complement written instructions, not to replace them. Screenshots are a really good way of showing people what to do. But not everyone will be able to see them – think about people using screenreaders or on slow connections. By all means, use images to make it blindingly obvious which button to click. But make sure your copy spells everything out too.
4. Underestimate the IT level of your readers. If your audience is a tech-savvy bunch then you won’t have to explain every single point. But if you’re not sure exactly how much they know, or the audience spans a range of levels, err on the side of caution and explain things more fully. A few of your most knowledgeable readers might feel a bit patronised, but everyone will understand everything properly.
5. Think about the permutations. Are your instructions valid for Windows XP and Vista? What about Apple Macs? Have you thought about different web browsers? And don’t forget about the user’s preferences – make sure your instructions match what’s on their screen. Try and take care of the most common permutations at least – if you can, use web metrics to find out what software your audience typically uses, rather than relying on guesswork.
6. Do some testing. The instructions might be blindly obvious to you, but that doesn’t mean everyone else will be able to understand them. Ideally, get some typical readers to follow your instructions. At the very least, get a friend to look them over.
7. Be consistent and be precise. Use the correct terminology, and use it consistently. Don’t tell people to ‘press’ a button when actually they should ‘click’ it. And if there’s any ambiguity, explain things so they’re clear. I had to write online help content for a popular piece of security software – some screens had two ‘Configure’ buttons on. It was a hassle explaining which one to click every time, but it had to be done.
8. Don’t reinvent the wheel. If the articles you’re writing deal with problems with someone else’s software, link off to their help pages rather than duplicating it on your website. After all, they made the software and so they’re in the best position to document it.
9. Get to the point and don’t joke around. If I’m having a problem with your product, I want it fixed. I don’t want to see clever puns or over-elaborate copy. Get to the root of the problem, and get it solved. Quickly.
10. Don’t try and sell other stuff. If someone’s having an issue with your product, it’s not the time to persuade them to buy something new from you. Just fix the problem efficiently – that’s a good way to keep your customers loyal.

Any more suggestions? Leave a comment and let me know.

The England football team’s performance this evening was dire. Rubbish. Awful. But it did get me thinking about how big football stories tend to bring out the best in tabloid sub-editors. When it’s open season on an England manager, the puns start to flow – so look out for a few good ones in the red tops over the next few days.

In the meantime, I’ve dug up some classics that anyone would be proud of. Enjoy – and remember: although all these headlines would score virtually zero for search engine optimisation, they all looked great in 128pt type on the front (or back) page of a tabloid.

• FROM RUSSIA WITH GLOVES. In 1994 Chelsea played their first European away game for years. They won 4-2 on aggregate against Viktoria Zizkov (who?). Russian goalkeeper Dmitri Kharine saved a crucial penalty, and one of the British tabloids immortalised him with this, one of my all-time favourite headlines.

• HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE KOREA? Back in October 2006, North Korea decided to conduct a not-at-all-provovative nuclear test. International condemnation followed, but no nation’s response topped The Sun’s. The newspaper’s headline raised the question of which is worse: reality TV, or a nuclear holocaust? Tough call. See the headline>

• SUPER CALEY GO BALLISTIC, CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS. It doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue, but this headline from The Sun proves that the king of British red tops is difficult to beat when it comes to punnage. It’s the classic formula: rip off a song lyric everyone knows, substitute a few words and stick it on the sports pages. Brilliant.

• TWO SH*GS. Accompanying the Daily Star’s coverage of John Prescott’s various indiscretions, it’s simple and to the point. Given the amount of flesh that’s frequently on the front page of this paper, it seems strange that they’ve stuck an asterisk in ‘shags’, but then who am I to comment on tabloid standards? Whatever, it’s simple, effective – and very British. See the headline>

• GORD HELP US NOW! Regardless of your opinion on the Daily Diana Express, occasionally its staff come out with a gem. Ok, very occasionally. I liked this one which greeted Gordon Brown’s move into No. 10. It’s great because it makes the paper’s position immediately clear, pokes fun at the new PM’s name, and also sounds like something Alan Partridge would say. See the headline>

• MORON TERROR. The Sun hits the spot again. Almost two years after the 21/7 attempted bombings in London, four people are found guilty of planning the attacks. Choosing to focus on the ineptitude of those involved, the paper sums up their intelligence in two words. Presumably they included the picture so that we didn’t think they were referring to George Bush. See the headline>

• CELEBRITY BIG BLUBBER. Yet again, from The Sun. While part of the country was obsessed with the antics of Chantelle in Celebrity Big Brother, the rest of us were intrigued to see a whale swim right up the Thames and into central London. Despite rescuers’ best efforts, the poor animal didn’t survive – it just seems a shame that Celebrity Big Brother hasn’t yet suffered a similar fate.

• TOM AND THIERRY. Being an Arsenal fan, I’m completely biased on this one. Thierry Henry and Tomas ‘Tom’ Rosicky scored as Arsenal beat Liverpool at Anfield 3-1 early this year. It’s not one of The Sun’s best efforts, but they get extra points for printing it in a cartoon-style font.

That’s all folks … for now at least. What are your favourite headlines? Hit up the comment link and let me know.

Regular readers will be worried I’ve been spending too much time in Sainsbury’s lately. No worries – I also get to enjoy the exciting surrounds of Reading station twice a day, every day.

Amongst the commuting hordes, school children and free newspapers (incidentally, is it only me who finds these an insidious nuisance?) I have spotted the occasional piece of good copy.

This poster is one of them. The advert’s for Jupiter Asset Management.

They’ve obviously worked out that their target demographic passes through the station. And their copywriter’s thought up a decent line which is both appropriate to the setting and makes you want to read futher.

‘Don’t buy a standard return’ – nice work.

It’s no secret that the subject line of an email newsletter can have a big impact on the open rate. Give people a compelling reason to open the thing, and usually they will.

However, if the subject promises more than the email actually delivers then you’ll shoot yourself in the foot: a big open rate, yes. But a high unsubscribe rate too.

This isn’t exactly the cutting edge of online marketing. So it’s surprising that some companies do email so badly.

Here’s an example. I entered two ballots to purchase tickets to gigs recently, I wasn’t confident of success. But like entering a competition, it seemed worth a go.

One was for Hard-Fi’s album launch tour – a series of gigs in tiny venues a couple of months back. The other was just a day or so ago, to get in on the presale for XFM’s Winter Wonderland, a Christmas fundraising concert featuring some big names.

I got emails back from both saying I’d been unsuccessful. The subject line from XFM? ‘Winter Wonderland Pre-Sale Commiserations‘. Upfront and honest – I knew straight away that I hadn’t been lucky.

But the Hard-Fi one was pretty misleading: ‘Important Ticket Information‘. So it’s ‘important’, eh? Must be good news.

Er… no. In fact, it was completely unimportant, because I hadn’t been successful and therefore didn’t have to rush to buy my allocated tickets before a deadline.

I was annoyed – and not just because I didn’t get tickets. (Their recent singles have been rubbish actually, so it might’ve been a blessing in disguise.)

This kind of hopeless choice of subject line crops up again and again, on all sorts of emails.

So next time you write to customers, prospective customers or, well, anyone really, think about the subject line. It’s the first thing people see, so it needs to have the right impact:

1. Don’t overpromise. People hate it when they feel deceived. If there isn’t anything inside the email to make it worth opening, then don’t send it.
2. Keep it short. Many email clients and webmail services will chop the end off long subject lines, so get to the point fast.
3. Think about including your company or brand name. People these days are really switched on to spam and other email threats, so you need to reassure them if you can.

There’s not much more to it than that. Be realistic, do an honest job of selling what’s inside and watch your open rate soar.

I seem to get lots of mediocre newsletters in my email. You know the sort of thing – you register with a website, choose to receive their newsletter and maybe look at it once or twice before your brain learns to ignore it when it appears in your inbox.

I signed up to Maxïmo Park‘s mailings because they’re one of my favourite bands. And their regular missives have been genuinely refreshing. Record labels tend to use bands’ newsletters to plug other groups – and they do it without much subtlety.

Maxïmo Park are a bit different, as they seem to want to really connect with their fans through the newsletter. The latest has lots of information about their tour, but it’s rather endearingly presented in a slightly rambling way:

As always we have sneakily kept some tickets back until the last minute, so if you click on the appropriate links you can try and get hold of said tickets so you can come to our Doncaster and Newcastle Arena shows. Speaking of Newcastle Arena we have still to announce the special guests so if the tension is getting too much, sorry, but I guarantee we are way more tense than you!

Ok, it’s not exactly the snappiest copy ever written. But it’s signed off by Lukas, the band’s keyboardist. And you know what? I reckon he might actually have written it.

When your target audience is a group of fans who really want to know what they band’s about, that authenticity is more important than anything. I think that goes for most newsletters. If you sound genuine, you’ll get more people clicking through to find out more. And more of those people will probably buy from you.

And of course the best way to sound genuine is to be genuine. Try to fake it and your subscribers will see straight through you.

I think Innocent Drinks started the cutesy copy trend. What better way to make your brand seem more friendly, approachable and quirky? It’s why they tell you to “shake it up baby” on their smoothie labels (translation: shake before drinking).

But over the last couple of years it’s taken off. Big time. Everyone wants their brand to be cuddly, and it’s starting to grate a bit.

Why sell sparkling water when you could sell “bumpy water”? Why put up a sign saying a house is sold when you can say it’s been “spoken for”? These are just two examples I’ve spotted in the past couple of weeks.

I think there comes a point when quirky, cutesy copy just looks contrived. Like the bloke in the pub wearing designer gear and talking a bit too loudly, it just makes you cringe.

I’m not saying there isn’t a place for it. But there’s a fine line between looking clever and looking like you’re trying too hard. And right now, I don’t think cutesy copy alone is enough to separate your brand from the competition. So maybe it’s time to find another way to be different.

Consistency’s important when it comes to writing for the web. After all, you want your readers to know what you’re talking about. And that means not confusing them by giving one thing several different names.

This was the central premise of a conversation I had last week. And it was absolutely right – to a point. You don’t want to confuse the reader. So if something has a name, you stick to it.

But my view is that there’s a balance to be struck here. When you write for the web, you tend to write in a conversational style. You write like you speak.

Nobody uses the same words over and over again in conversation. It’s boring, and it sounds silly – like talking in a monotone. So any ‘conversational’ copy with the same lack of variety just isn’t going to sound right.

If you truly want to engage the reader, your copy needs to stand up and grab their attention. To do that, variety is vital; without it, you’ll sound stilted and contrived. Almost like a machine wrote the text for you. And that’s not going to impress anyone.