John McGarvey – web copywriter

I’ve been booking a holiday recently and searching lots of sites for deals and discounts. Lonely Planet‘s hotel booking service seems to need a bit of work – it broke more than once while I was using it.

Still, at least when it fell over, it didn’t display a dull generic error message:

Check it out! It’s a picture of a knackered bus – the type you might get in some the far-flung parts of the world that Lonely Planet can help you visit. (Full size here.)

Ok, never mind that in reality you’re probably just looking for a cheap week in Benidorm. This error page is a great example of how a bit of quirkiness can turn a negative (my hotel search not working) into a bit of a positive (making me chuckle).

It certainly put a bit of a smile on my face, and I’m more likely to give the site another chance as a result.

What could your site do differently to surprise its users?

Subway. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you can’t get away from them. Really, you can’t. A quick check reveals eight branches in my home town of Reading alone.

That’s more than one town needs. In fact, it’s probably more than the entire south east of England needs.

Still, while you might not be a fan of their ubiquitous food (or the nasty smell they pump out) they must be doing something right.

This is one franchise that’s expanded like mad over the last couple of year and if there’s a built-up area in Britain without a Subway, well, I doubt it’ll be lacking one for very much longer.

Their marketing isn’t too shabby either. I walk past two(!) most days, and for the last couple of weeks they’ve had a nice bit of copy on a poster in the window. You can probably make it out from my poor photo, but just in case, here’s what it says:

“Morning has broken. Fix it.”

Why do I like this? It’s a reasonable pun. It’s short and snappy and it sticks in your mind. And it’s totally relevant to the product they’re advertising: breakfast.

In fact, I reckon it’s the best poster copy I’ve seen in quite some time. So say what you like about their food, but they’ve obviously got someone in who can put together a decent line for a poster. I’d give them 2/10 for the sandwiches, but 8/10 for the copy. Good work.

Regular readers will be aware that a fair proportion of my blog posts seem to have been inspired by trips to the local shops. It’s been a while though, so here’s another.

I was on a rare trip to the Sainsbury’s booze aisle yesterday when I spotted this sign.

I think it’s a good example of why businesses need to pay attention to all their copy.

The sign says: “For your safety and security this area is monitored by CCTV”. What’s wrong with it? Quite simply, I don’t think it’s open enough, and I don’t think it does anything to strengthen the Sainsbury’s brand.

Tell the truth

This sign is, admittedly, a small detail when compared to the Sainsbury’s website, TV adverts or even the more prominent signs in the store. But these details count.

A business as big as Sainsbury’s has thousands of these small pieces of text – on signs and in leaflets, online and in stores. By itself, each is a tiny thing. But together, their impact on people’s perception of the brand can be significant.

And even if the overall effect is neutral, they’re still missing a trick; each of these less-significant bits of copy is a chance to reinforce the values the company wants to communicate to its customers.

I think this particular sign is misleading too. Sainsbury’s doesn’t have cameras covering its beer, wine and spirits for the protection of customers. It’s for the protection of its revenue. I think they should be straight, and just admit that.

Want to be seen as a fun, company? Then try: “You’re on CCTV. It’s there to catch thieves, but we don’t mind if you want to pretend you’re on the telly too.”

Looking to be professional, but not too impersonal? How about: “This aisle is covered by CCTV. It helps us prevent theft – and that keeps our costs down, allowing us to sell you cheaper food.”

I think maybe that second approach would be a good one for Sainsbury’s. It admits that the CCTV is there to stop people nicking vodka. But it also explains the direct benefit to the customer: by reducing theft, the company is reducing the cost of losses which get passed to its customers. Everyone wins. And the customers know about it.

Finally, it communicates everything in a friendly, down-to-earth and (crucially) honest way. It’s turned a dull sign into a positive piece of branding for the store.

Everything counts

See, this is the thing. If you want to create a great brand, you have to think about your values every single time you communicate with customers.

Focusing on the big headlines and neglecting the areas which seem less important is a mistake. It’s like making your shop look amazing from the outside, but then never bothering to clean inside or arrange the products properly on the shelves.

(As an aside, the first thing Sainsbury’s should do is decide if a CCTV sign is worth having at all. Does it cut theft? If not, they should get rid of it, so customers spend less time wondering where the cameras are, and more time wondering which wine to buy.)

I’ve been running through the photos on my cameraphone this evening and as well as an exciting shot of a Virgin Media van, I found this classic. It’s a small ad – I spotted it in a newsagent’s window in West Drayton the other day:

‘No cigarettes before the Dentist! If this means anything to you, PLEASE call…’

(Full size version here.)

What on earth is that all about? I was half-tempted to call the number, but commonsense prevailed and I haven’t dared.

It doesn’t have much to do with copywriting I know, but did get me scratching my head…

Any suggestions?

I’ve spotted a few Virgin Media vans about with a slogan that’s tempting fate. ‘Forward, back, back a bit more, stop!’ just seems to be inviting a parking mishap.

And it’s surely only a matter of time before we see a van with ‘near miss’ on the side stuffed into a hedge or something. (See a picture of the whole van here.)

Still, I like the copy. It has a nice sense of playfulness and made me smile the first time I saw it. And I suppose if one of these vans did have a coming together with another vehicle, the inevitable photo in the Metro the next day would at least be exposure of sorts for the company.

Regular readers will be worried I’ve been spending too much time in Sainsbury’s lately. No worries – I also get to enjoy the exciting surrounds of Reading station twice a day, every day.

Amongst the commuting hordes, school children and free newspapers (incidentally, is it only me who finds these an insidious nuisance?) I have spotted the occasional piece of good copy.

This poster is one of them. The advert’s for Jupiter Asset Management.

They’ve obviously worked out that their target demographic passes through the station. And their copywriter’s thought up a decent line which is both appropriate to the setting and makes you want to read futher.

‘Don’t buy a standard return’ – nice work.

When did Sainsbury’s start checking your ID before letting you buy cornflakes? They really could have thought of a more sensible name. Like simply ‘cereals’, for instance.

I don’t want to feel like I’m buying restricted goods when I’m just after a bit of breakfast. And what on earth constitutes an ‘adult cereal’ anyway? Honestly – no wonder Tesco is the market leader by a mile.

Could you resist checking out the full story when confronted by a headline like this? I couldn’t – if you’re intrigued too, read more here.

Hot on the heels of yesterday’s excellent piece of product naming, I have some advice for Woolworths. If you’re reducing the price of something, make sure it’s actually a reduction. “Was £1.25, now £1.99″ didn’t strike me as an unmissable deal.

I spotted this sign in a branch of Budgens in Ealing. Presumably it’s the management’s take on diplomacy.

What it says: “Would customers please refrain from reading newspapers and magazines in the store as this can cause congestion for other shoppers.”

What they really mean: “If you’re not buying, clear off.”